We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
