I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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