Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
