No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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