He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
