I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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