ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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