if you like me you must not know who I am
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
