I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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