cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish I only lived at night.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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