Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
