I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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