We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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