I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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