I puked a lego.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
