I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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