No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i now understand why vodka
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize