y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
