If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize