i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
