just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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