I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You made out with two different species that night
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize