I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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