Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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