She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
