Can i not drive my cunt home
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize