My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
