Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
