Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
