just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
