I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
