and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize