I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
