Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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