he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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