yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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