I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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