How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
birth control should be required to get into college
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
