I seem to have left my pride at pride
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
