thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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