i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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