Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
