She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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