Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize