Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
