I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
