remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
