also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
