do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
