yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
