Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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