I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
