walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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