rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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