I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize