Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
