A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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