My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
