What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
