I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
