Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
