i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
