no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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