my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
