I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
