it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
