I hate all girls vehemently.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
