i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
