Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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