The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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