I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
