It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
