I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
