oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
