Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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