i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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