I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
