On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
