normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
