That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
