Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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